Self-Punishment

I often deprive myself of things I want, and even things I need, as a punishment to myself for my failures.  But in my eyes, I fail at life.  My high standards leave me depleted when I never seem to reach them.  I am trying to stop repeating this pattern.  It is bad enough that as a human I sin on a daily basis, but I can't keep punishing myself for my imperfections.  Instead, I should focus on the future and moving closer to God through reconciliation.  It is not healthy to treat myself so horribly.  If  I don't respect myself, why should anyone else?  I have to love me in order to give love.  Always trying to give love where it doesn't exist is a lost cause.  Punishing myself is destroying my soul.  I must pray for the strength and be uplifted through God alone.  If I am not happy, I cannot bring happiness into my home.  As the rock of care at home, I must force myself to treat myself like I would Jesus or any other being.  It is hard to change my view of myself, but I will keep on trying.

-Tanya